LOTR RPF AU - WWII Chapter 11 of 11
Apr. 1st, 2007 10:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kitsune_writesAuthor: Fox
Title: Running With the Shadows
Rating: This part NC-17 for language and graphic sexual situations.
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Disclaimer: This story is not to be taken as factual even though there are factual elements to it - it is a fictionalized account and it did not happen. The characterizations are not the real people who's names and images I've used in my story - they are false and should not be taken to indicate any sort of agreement with what I've written. I am not making any money from this, only using my (admittedly) overactive imagination.
A/N: Artistic license is my friend. I've tried to be as accurate as possible but sometimes I tweak history to help myself out. ;-)
As this is the last chapter, I would like to take this opportunity to send thanks out to the fabulous folks who have helped me along the way.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aire_blair, dicorvo, elouisa, pippinmctaggart and tigg71, I can't thank you enough for your help, ideas and hard work. This story wouldn't be what it is without your invaluable assistance. So much love.
For this specific chapter, many thanks to:dicorvo for the betas, hand holding and reality checking; elouisa for the britpick and spot checking and major hand holding; and pippinmctaggart for the betas and hand holding. This wouldn't have been posted without y'all's encouragement as I would have long ago beaten my head into mush and given up. ::hugs::
While this has been betaed, I am a compulsive tinkerer and any and all mistakes are mine.
Fabulous icon courtesy of the lovelysandelwood.
Previous chapters here.
15 September 1942
Dom’s leg hurt. He leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to ride through the wave of pain.
“All right?” Matt asked anxiously, looking over at his brother in the passenger seat.
“Just hurts. It’ll settle in a few minutes,” Dom replied, not opening his eyes.
“Maybe we should—“
Dom could feel the weight of his brother’s gaze and worry. “For fuck sake, Matthew, it’s not going to fall off during this trip, and I’m not going to suddenly keel over and die from some pain.”
Matt huffed out a sigh. “I’m just—“
“Don’t make me have to kill you, Matt. My leg may still be weak, but I can take you, I guarantee it.” Matt laughed and Dom felt some of his irritation dissolve as a smile pulled at his lips.
“You’re such a wanker, Dom.”
“And you’re my brother so what does that make you, then?”
“The brother of a wanker, wanker,” Matt said, rolling his eyes.
“I hate you so much right now.”
“I want you to know that it’s okay Dominic, because I understand that, according to your odd wankerish logic, when you say you hate me you mean that you really love me.”
Dom finally chuckled, albeit reluctantly. “Matt?”
“Yes?”
“Just shut it and drive.”
“Dom?” Matt asked a few minutes later.
“Yeah?”
“What are you going to do when we get there? I mean, what if he’s angry or if things don’t go the way you’re hoping?”
Dom sighed. “Then we’ll come home, Matt. Nothing else to be done at that point, right? I just…I have to see what’s there, if anything. I have to know.”
“All right,” Matt said, nodding.
*********
Dom and Matt stood on the front porch of an older house on the outskirts of Glasgow, waiting for their knock to be answered. The door swung open and a sullen-faced teenaged boy stood in the doorway.
“What do you want?”
“We’re here to see Major Boyd, please,” Matt announced formally.
“Well he’s not here so you can just go back where you came from,” the boy snapped, blue eyes flashing.
Dom shifted to ease the ache in his leg. “We just want to see how he’s doing,” he said evenly. “I was with him when he got injured.”
The boy looked down and saw the cane for the first time. It didn’t seem to make him more inclined to help, though. “If you were with him, then you’re military and you’re not bloody welcome here.”
Both Dom and Matt’s eyebrows shot up at that.
Suddenly a small woman appeared behind the boy. “Cam, who are you bein’ rude to now?” she asked, tucking a stray strand of dark brown hair behind her ear.
“These blokes here are looking for ‘Major Boyd,’” the boy said with an irritated sigh.
“Are they now?” she said, her sharp green eyes giving both Dom and Matt a thorough once-over.
Her eyes are just like Billy’s, Dom thought.
“Cam, get your uncle from the shed,” she said, her voice quietly commanding. Once the boy was on the move, she looked back at the two men on her stoop. “Why don’t you come in and wait,” she said, leading them into the house and back to a small informal dining room off of the kitchen and waving them to sit at the table there. “Now, what can I get you to drink?”
“Coffee?” Matt’s voice was hopeful.
“Sorry, but with the rations, we don’t have any left. Tea? Something cold?”
“Tea would be lovely, thanks,” Dom said, smiling at her.
The woman smiled a little although it didn’t reach her eyes. “May I ask what it is you’re wanting to see him about?”
“Oh, for fuck sake, the bloody English have invaded,” Sergeant Sean Bean called out loudly as he entered the room.
“Considering you’re English yourself, Sergeant Bean, I’d shut your gob,” Dom retorted, grinning widely.
Dom and Matt stood to shake hands and Bean waved Dom back down. “Sit down before you fall down, git,” he said gruffly. He shook both men’s hands warmly though and when Dom looked back over to the woman, her smile was much friendlier than it had been earlier.
“Maggie, meet the Monaghan brothers, Dominic and Matthew,” Bean said with a grin. “Dom, Matt? This is Billy’s sister, Maggie Butler. And welcome to Glasgow, by the way.”
Maggie’s smile faltered a bit. “That Dominic?”
“Yeah,” Sean replied, nodding. He turned to Dom and Matt. “Billy has nightmares sometimes.”
“Me, too,” Dom said, nodding his understanding. “Scares the life out of my family when I start screaming in the middle of the night. Or day, come to that. The dreams don’t know the difference, yeah?”
Maggie’s eyes softened in compassion. “No, they don’t. My husband is the very same. He was in the military as well, served under Billy from the day they left Glasgow together in 1927, until he was discharged this past year. There’s plenty of bad dreams in this house and that’s for sure.”
Bean walked over to Maggie and threw his arm around her shoulder, hugging her close.
“Did you ever meet my husband Gerry?” Maggie asked quietly. “He was in Shanghai at the same time as Billy and Sean.”
“No, we never met him or any of the rest of team back then, only Bean and Billy,” Dom answered. “They had the lucky duty that day.”
“Whose car is that out front?” a voice from the front of the house floated back as the door was opened.
“Told you, Da, some blokes looking for ‘Major Boyd’ are here,” they could all hear Cam’s sullen voice answer. Maggie’s husband was saying something else to the boy, but it was too low for them to make out.
“You’ll have to forgive my son, the war has taken so much away from him,” Maggie said softly.
Dom and Matt nodded, they could completely understand.
A few moments later a tall dark-haired man entered the kitchen, his intense blue gaze taking in the scene. “Looking for Major Boyd, are you?”
Sean smirked. “They’re not military, Gerry. This is Dominic and Matthew Monaghan. They’ve come to see how Billy’s been getting on.”
Gerry’s eyes widened. “That Dominic?”
“Oh for fuck sake, yes, I’m apparently that Dominic,” Dom snapped.
Matthew looked bemused, Maggie looked vaguely mortified, Gerry seemed, rightly, confused and Sean just laughed.
“So glad to have amused you, Sergeant Bean.”
“Calm down, Dom, it’s not a slight on you.”
“Truth be told, Dominic,” Gerry said, looking over between Bean and Maggie before meeting Dom’s eyes, “we didn’t think we’d ever meet you and that, more than anything, is what’s got us floundering.”
“But you are more than welcome here,” Maggie rushed to assure them. She took a breath. “Right. Tea. We have powdered milk if you take it, but I’m sorry, we’re near the end of the ration ticket right now so I can’t spare the sugar.”
“Black is fine,” Matt said.
“That’s how we all take it nowadays,” Bean said, grimacing.
Gerry and Bean sat at the table and the cups were set down and poured. “I’ll have some sandwiches in just a few minutes,” Maggie said, smiling.
“So where is Billy?” Dom asked.
“Physical therapy,” Bean answered. “His routine is much longer and more technical than mine is, so I always sneak back before him and get first dibs on the food.”
Chuckles rang out and the mood lightened. Bean asked after Hans-Peter and was informed that the German was happily involved in mediating between American and British Intelligence and that not too long after Dom had gotten out of the hospital, Matt and Hans-Peter had conspired to rescue him from his mother and sister and had moved him into the townhouse they’d been sharing in London. Dom had rolled his eyes at Matt’s, “Finally a rescue mission I could take part in.” They had gotten around to Karl and Orlando, and how they were both faring well in their respective units, when Maggie placed a large platter of sandwiches on the table and pulled up two more chairs. She sat down and they started eating.
A few minutes later, the back door was slamming shut and then Billy came into the room, green eyes widening as he realized who was in his home.
“We have guests for tea, Bill,” Maggie said placidly.
“Yes, I can see that,” Billy replied evenly. Too evenly, Dom thought and was proved correct by the exchange of glances between Maggie, Gerry and Sean. “Matthew. Dominic.” He nodded to each of them, but he was obviously not happy to see them.
“They came to see how you were getting on,” Gerry offered.
“Oh, I’m sure,” Billy said tightly.
“Sit down and have something to eat, Bill,” Sean said firmly.
Billy ignored him and stalked over to Dom. “Might I have a word with you in private, Dominic?”
“Of course,” Dom said, getting up too quickly and having to grab the back of his chair to balance himself. Billy was already heading to another part of the house and Dom limped heavily after him, his cane forgotten.
*********
Matt looked down at his half-eaten sandwich and pushed the plate away. He’d lost his appetite. Then he noticed the cane. “He’s going to need that soon. He hates it, but he can’t get around very well yet.”
Gerry reached over and laid his hand on Matt’s shoulder. “We’ll give them a few minutes, and then I’ll take it over.”
“I told Dom this was a bad idea,” Matt sighed.
“It may be too soon,” Bean agreed. “Everything is so raw still.”
Matt nodded. “He was so determined. You were in the field with him, Sergeant, even if only for a short time. Can you imagine trying to divert him from a path he’d decided was right?”
“No,” Bean replied with a small smile. “I also have to salute you for knowing it was a bad idea and bringing him anyway, knowing he’d try this whether you were on board or not.”
“Sounds like every last one of you unit boys,” Maggie said, looking at Bean and Gerry.
“They’re quite similar,” Bean agreed. “If the timing had been better it could maybe have worked, but this? Billy won’t stand for this right now.”
There was a muffled thump and Gerry was up and out of his chair. “Why don’t you make use of the porch?” he suggested as he leaned down to pick up the cane. “I’ll just take this over. Sounds like Dominic will need it.”
Matt look worried.
“He’ll be all right, Matt. Angry as Bill might get, he won’t physically hurt your brother. I promise you that. Now go on with you.”
Gerry waited until they were all out of the house and then he took a deep breath and headed over to where Billy’s room was located.
*********
Billy turned on Dom the moment he got all the way into the room. “What are you doing here, Monaghan?” he growled, slamming the door shut as his angry gaze bored into Dom’s surprise-widened eyes.
“I was…” Dom trailed off, swallowing hard. “I just wanted to—“
“What?” Billy cut him off, his voice scathing. “Continue where we left off in the tunnel?”
Dom blinked slowly. This wasn’t exactly how he’d foreseen this going and he was off-balance and unsure of how to… Ahhh, he thought, best defence is offence, is it Major? Well, two can play at that game. “Maybe.”
Billy’s jaw clenched and he stepped right up into Dom’s face. “Whatever it is you’re looking for isn’t here,” he said, tightly. “Leave it alone.” And with that, he turned and began walking back toward the door. Dom watched him cross the room and knew he couldn’t leave it.
He sucked in a breath and limped to where Billy’s hand was turning the knob, grabbing Billy’s shoulder. “Bill—“
Next thing Dom knew, he was against the wall and Billy’s face was only inches from his own, those green eyes flashing dangerously. “You need to leave it alone now, Dominic,” he said, biting off each word precisely.
Dom was caught up in the intensity of those eyes, eyes which had haunted his dreams the past few months and then his gaze slipped down to Billy’s mouth, the lips compressed into a thin line that still somehow started a ribbon of heat low in Dom’s belly. Dom’s tongue darted out to lick his own dry lips.
Billy cursed as he crushed his mouth to Dom’s. The kiss was brutal, their teeth clicking several times as they attacked each other’s mouths, unwilling or unable to slow down or gentle. Dom flattened back against the wall, spreading his legs, unintentionally mirroring their position in the tunnel. Billy moved against him and Dom might’ve felt gratified at the hardness against his hip if he hadn’t been so desperate to get closer. His hands moved lower, one clutching tightly at Billy’s trouser waistband, the other sliding further around, gripping one firm arsecheek and moving Billy into direct contact with Dom’s aching arousal. Dom moaned into Billy’s mouth and began thrusting, his need so great he was unable to stop himself.
Billy ripped his mouth from Dom’s and Dom whimpered (and wouldn’t he be embarrassed about that later on) as he tried to recapture those incredible lips again. “Billy, Billy, please…” he chanted as he moved against Billy, his thrusts becoming erratic as he neared his climax.
“Fuck, Dominic, what are you—“ Billy’s breath hitched as Dom gave up trying to kiss him and instead scraped teeth across his chin. “doing to me? Christ!”
Dom shuddered as Billy’s rough, heavily-accented voice washed over him. God, he was so close, so close… He angled himself so that when he next thrust up, his thick arousal slid all the way along the underside of Billy’s cock. Dom felt Billy’s whole body tense and he pulled Billy harder onto his rigid flesh as he moved forward and back again. Billy pressed his forehead against Dom’s shoulder as he came hard, biting his lip till it bled to keep from crying out. Dom shuddered violently as his own orgasm swept through him.
They stood together for a few moments, shaking in the aftermath, Dom listening to Billy’s harsh breathing.
Dom moved his head just a bit so that he was closer to Billy’s ear. “All right?” If he hadn’t been concentrating on Billy, he’d have probably been mortified at how hoarse and uneven his voice was right then.
Billy recoiled and pulled away from Dom, turning his back immediately. “Leave. Now.” There was no unevenness in Billy’s tone. In fact, there was nothing, his voice was flat.
Dom stood there, hurt washing over him at the dismissal. Then came the anger. “Look at me, Boyd.”
Billy turned his head half-way towards Dom. It wasn’t enough for Dom to see his face completely, but he knew he had Billy’s attention, anyway.
“I want you to look me in the eye if you’re going to fucking dismiss me. I think I deserve that.”
Billy took a deep breath before he turned to face Dom fully. Dom was surprised at what he saw in Billy’s eyes – pain, sadness, guilt.
“I can’t give you what you think you want,” Billy said quietly.
“I’ll have to beg to differ with you. I believe you just showed me quite clearly that you are capable of giving me exactly what I want,” Dom said pointedly.
Billy’s eyes flashed again. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“No,” Dom said evenly. “I don’t. Explain it to me.” When Billy only glared at him, he sighed. “Please, Billy. Make it very clear.”
“Physically, I do want you,” Billy said in clipped tones. “There’s no point in denying that, but that’s not all you’re after and I can’t give anything else to you, Dominic. Even if that were something I was interested in, I…belong…to someone.”
Dom couldn’t help the flinch that accompanied the last sentence. “Why didn’t you just tell me that before? Wouldn’t that have been simpler than this?” he asked, gesturing between the two of them.
“I told you to leave it. You’re the one who pushed.”
“Yeah,” Dom replied, reaching for the doorknob. He paused, turning back to look at Billy. “I won’t apologize for what happened, Bill. It felt…right.” And before Billy could refute what he’d said, Dom limped heavily out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Gerry Butler was standing there, Dom’s cane in his hand, waiting for him. Dom knew he’d heard at least some of what had gone on, but met the blue gaze squarely as he reached for his cane.
“Sorry to have taken up your tea break,” Dom said, proud that his voice was steady.
“Not a problem, mate,” Gerry rumbled as he gestured Dom forward. “Come on, I’ll see you out.”
He walked Dom to the front of the house where Matt, Sean and Maggie were sitting on the porch, chatting amiably.
Matt looked up at him. “Ready to go, then?”
“Yes,” Dom said, nodding. “Thank you again for your hospitality, Mr. and Mrs. Butler. Sergeant Bean, it was good to see you again,” he added as Matt stood. They shook Gerry’s and Sean’s hands and kissed Maggie’s cheek and headed for the car.
A few steps off the porch, Matt threw his arm around Dom’s shoulders and pulled him in for a quick tight hug. Dom let him, uncaring who saw. They hugged for a few seconds, and then started walking again, Matt’s arm still around Dom’s shoulders.
*********
Bean looked over at Gerry as the Monaghans began walking again after the brief hug. “That doesn’t bode well for Billy’s state of mind,” he said quietly.
“I should—“ Maggie began worriedly.
“No, Maggie,” Gerry broke in gently. “I’m just giving him a few minutes, and then I’ll go and see to him. Why don’t you and Sean stay out here for a bit longer.”
Bean’s eyes flew to Gerry’s and saw the emotions there, understood that Gerry needed to be there for Billy this time. He put his arm around Maggie’s shoulders. “Let’s us take a walk.”
Maggie looked from her husband face to Sean’s, reading their emotions, and nodded. “Alright, but don’t imagine that I won’t be checking on him, on the both of you, when we get back,” she said fiercely.
Gerry nodded, understanding her need to protect. The war had taken so much away from Margaret Butler, and she wasn’t about to stand by and do nothing if her men were hurting.
“I’d expect nothing less, love. Now go on with you.”
He stood and watched Bean and his wife walk slowly toward the road, Bean’s arm still around Maggie’s shoulders, and Maggie leaning into Bean’s side. He sighed heavily and headed back into the house.
*********
When Gerry opened the door, Billy was standing in the middle of the room, his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. “Ach, Bill,” he murmured as he crossed the room and took his friend into his arms.
“I…can’t…he’s…”
“Don’t have to explain to me, Billy-lad,” Gerry said softly, one large hand cradling the back of Billy’s head against his shoulder. “Just let it out. You’ve not yet mourned properly, I know you haven’t. You had to keep it together for the rest of us, and you’ve never been given the chance; it’s time.”
Billy shook his head and pulled back a bit. Gerry simply moved to cup his friend’s head in both of his hands, his intense blue eyes searching Billy’s overwrought green. “It won’t go away Bill, I can fucking promise you that. You have to face it - Ewan is never coming back. You’ll never hold him again, never kiss him, never—“
“Do you think I don’t know that, Gerry?” Billy yelled as he jerked away. “I’m fucking sick with it everyday. Every fucking day, mate. This was our home and now I’ve…Oh God, I’ve…” and Billy’s face fell and a harsh sob shook his shoulders.
Gerry had no problem finishing the thought. Billy had had sex with another man in his and Ewan’s home, less than a year after Ewan had been killed. Gerry ached for Billy as he pulled him into another tight embrace, feeling those deep, painful sobs wracking the thin body. Ewan had been one of his best mates as well and he was still grieving himself. He hated knowing that the reason Bill was reacting so badly to events today was because he’d never been given the proper chance to grieve before. He’d had to put it away as best he could—first as a commanding officer of a mission that had gone so terribly wrong (and Gerry still hated the brass for trying to stick it to Bill for their intel failures); then as a leader and friend to his remaining team as he fought to get them through those first awful weeks. Gerry didn’t like to remember how badly he’d acted when he’d woken up to find not only Ewan and John dead, but that his leg was gone and that they wanted to take an arm as well. He’d wanted to die, had lain in that hospital bed in North Africa and screamed and raged at everyone who came close until Bill had slapped some sense into him – literally. Billy had continued to ride herd on all of his men, until they’d been taken away from him one by one.
Karl had been first since he’d had the most minor of injuries, a clean shot through the arm and a nasty furrow-shot across his ribs. He’d been sent back to his original unit (the Kiwi Brigade, as they’d been teasingly called since the night Karl had shown up in the desert with a smirk and a wink for Orlando) just in time to ship out to Malta. Orli had been next, because his hands were undamaged, and he could be put to use defusing bombs as his dexterity was unaffected. Gerry, Sean and Billy had been sent back to England together, although soon after arriving, Gerry was honourably discharged and sent home to recover as best he could. Billy had been bitter about the fact that he and Sean were being kept in England, but since Bill and Sean both still belonged to the Crown, there was nothing to be done about it. Gerry had gone home and gone through the worst time of his life while his mates had been hidden away on a base somewhere. They’d communicated as often as they could, but no leave had been granted, so no visits could be made.
For three months Bill and Sean had been in limbo. Sean had been rehabbing from a deep and nasty bullet wound and subsequent dislocation of the shoulder. Billy had been working back from a messy shot through his thigh and two deep furrows, one across his collarbone and shoulder and the other the length of his back. He’d been shot when he’d gone out and dragged Ewan’s body back from where it had lain outside of their protective ridge.
Gerry realized that he was crying now too; his hands clenched into fists, grasping bunches of Billy’s shirt. He’d thought he was through with this part, but he’d forgotten that, while he had grieved before, it hadn’t been with any of his mates. He also hadn’t really considered that he could have lost the man in his arms. Even when he’d first seen Billy, pale and sick from transport from England and looking one step away from death, it somehow hadn’t occurred to him that Billy might not recover, wouldn’t be back to full health again. He tucked Billy’s head under his chin and held on as tightly as he could.
*********
12 January 1943 Monaghan London home
Dom was reading through his report, when he heard the knock at his door. Fucking Matt, he thought as he limped across the entire house to get to the door. He’d told his brother to take his key with him since Dom hadn’t known how long he’d be at home today.
“Did I not tell you to take your bloody key today,” Dom snapped as he swung the heavy door open. His eyes widened as he realized who was standing there. “Oh…ehm… Major Boyd. I wasn’t expecting…” he trailed off stiltedly.
Billy’s lips quirked in a self-deprecating smirk as he answered, “No, I don’t suppose you would have been. May I come in?”
Dom blinked slowly, thinking about it for a long moment before he stepped back and gestured Billy in. “I must say you’ve got my curiosity piqued, Major. What can you possibly have to say to me after our last visit?”
“Quite a bit, actually,” Billy said evenly as he met Dom’s questioning eyes. “First I’d like to offer you an apology, Dominic. You didn’t deserve the treatment I handed out to you then.”
“No, I didn’t,” Dom agreed.
“I was…well, I wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind when you showed up,” Billy began ruefully. “I’d like to explain a bit, if you would allow me?”
Dom looked at Billy as he unconsciously chewed on the inside of his cheek. He’d often wished for an explanation over the past few months, but now that it was literally staring him in the face he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it; wasn’t sure he wanted the remnants of his daydreams shattered as definitively as they most likely would be by any explanation Billy had to offer.
“Dominic?”
Billy’s gentle prompt pulled Dom back into the present and he knew, destroyed daydreams or not, he had to know why he wasn’t acceptable to the man standing before him. “Would you like some tea?”
“I’d bloody well kill for some coffee,” Bill replied, sighing. “But tea will do.”
Dom smiled as he showed Billy into the sitting room. There was a small table set by the window, and he settled Billy into one of the chairs. “Be right back,” he said and hurried off to the library where he’d been working. When he came back, pot on tray in hand, Billy was staring out the window, his face a study in melancholy.
“How do you take it, Major?”
Billy blinked and turned back from the window. “What was that?”
“Your coffee, Major, how do you take it?” Dom replied quietly, the shadows in Boyd’s eyes affecting him more than he thought.
“Coffee? Bless you, son. Black is fine.”
“This isn’t the field, Major. I have sugar and milk if you take them.”
“Fresh milk?”
Billy’s voice was so hopeful Dom couldn’t help but smile. “Fresh milk,” he answered as he set the tray down. “Fix it to your liking.”
A few minutes later Dom was seated across from Billy, watching him savour the coffee - holding the cup in both hands, eyes closed as he smelled the fragrant brew before taking a small sip and rolling it around in his mouth. Dom could only wonder if there was anything Major William Boyd could do that wouldn’t make him hard.
“Not to rush your enjoyment of the coffee, Major, but you were going to tell me something?” Dom winced a bit inwardly at the sarcastic tone of his voice.
“Right,” Billy said crisply, setting the cup down, but keeping one finger looped around the handle, as if assuring himself it wasn’t going to just disappear.
“Why don’t you start with the part where you belong to someone else, and you didn’t just tell me that straight away in Germany after you kissed me,” Dom said, surprised at how angry he was again.
“It isn’t…I don’t…“ Billy’s jaw clenched. “Let me tell you what I’ve got to tell you, Dominic, and then you can say whatever you want, all right?”
Dom nodded curtly and Boyd sighed heavily.
“My original SAS team was four of my mates from the Scots Guard: Bean, Gerry Butler, whom you met in Glasgow, and two others, John Hannah and Ewan McGregor. Orlando and Karl became part of it later. Point is, when you first met me and Bean in ’29, I’d already been with Ewan for six years. We’d grown up together; best mates and then…more. We’d joined up, served, and moved up through the ranks together. We were never separated, not once in all of that time. Ewan was…he…” Billy’s eyes closed for a long moment, and when they opened again they were clouded with memory. “It was December 28, 1941, outside Tobruk. We’d been behind enemy lines on and off for five days, and our reflexes were dulled. He…”
Billy took a hitching breath before continuing. “I almost expected him to sit back up and tell the Jerries to fuck off, he looked so angry. I’ve seen a lot of death, Dominic, and most have fear, pain or surprise frozen on their face when they go. I don’t think I’ll ever forget seeing his blood spray, and then, after I crawled to get to him, his face.” As if to illustrate his point, Billy shook his head almost violently. “It was a mess; Ewan and John dead, the rest of us shot to hell. It was a bloody miracle we got out of there at all. Somehow we made it back behind our own lines, but it was only starting, yeah? They disbanded us. Karl and Orlando were sent back to their original units, and then they discharged Gerry, but wouldn’t let Sean and me see him. They wouldn’t even let me go to see my sister. They kept Sean and me out at High Wycombe while we were rehabbing, but even though we had no duties on the base we couldn’t really leave either. We were there for three months, and then we were summoned for a mission. For you,” Billy said, his eyes meeting Dom’s squarely.
Dom’s eyes widened. Not nearly enough time, Jesus, no wonder Bill had pushed him away so vehemently “I didn’t realize…”
Billy waved his words away. “And how would you have? It wasn’t as if we were going out for a friendly drink down the pub. I was on a mission, and when I’m working, people’s lives are at risk. I can’t…I can’t be distracted, Dominic, and you were one hell of a distraction.”
“You were…are…pretty distracting yourself, Major,” Dom replied, wanting to kick himself for saying anything at all, let alone the huskiness of his voice.
Billy’s sharp green gaze flew to Dom’s face, searching, but when he continued speaking, he ignored Dom’s words. “I couldn’t allow myself to consider you as anything but the objective, until we were as settled and protected as possible, but you impressed me, Dominic. I wanted to see what you were like as a man and not a boy. I wanted to know more about you, but I started thinking of Ewan and I couldn’t.”
“That’s why I came across you in the tunnel,” Dom said quietly. He’d wondered why Billy had been in the tunnel, and not back with his men.
“Aye,” Billy nodded. “And then you told me you were thinking of me sucking your tadger.”
Dom rubbed his palm into his right eye before running that hand across his face. “I hadn’t known I’d spoken that out loud, Bill.”
“You inflamed me, Dominic. Between you and the exhaustion I didn’t stand a chance.”
“I’m glad, Billy,” Dom answered thickly. “I’m so glad you couldn’t control yourself because otherwise I’d’ve never known what it was like to be kissed by you. I’d’ve never known how good you felt against me.”
Billy’s eyes darkened dangerously.
“Presumably you are heading back out into the field,” Dom continued as he placed his hands, palms down, flat against the table. “So you wanted me to know what happened in Glasgow. You wanted it all cleared up in case you really die this time, yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Understood,” Dom said pushing himself to standing and leaning over the table, inches from Billy’s face. “You overlooked one thing, though, Bill.”
“What’s that?” Bill said hoarsely.
“I push for what I want,” Dom growled as he leaned to cover Billy’s mouth with his.
Billy groaned and stood himself, his fingers biting into Dom’s shoulders as he opened his mouth and allowed Dom to deepen the kiss. After all too short a time, he pulled back, breathless. “Damn you, Monaghan, I didn’t come here for this.”
“I know you didn’t,” Dom replied, his blue eyes intent on Billy’s face. “You came here to ease your conscience. Like I said, I understand that. Thing is, you’re going back into the field so there may never be another chance; I want you, Bill.”
Billy’s breath caught and he pried his fingers from Dom’s shoulders and stepped away from the table. Dom thought for one agonizing moment that Boyd was going to tell him no, deny them both what they so obviously wanted.
“Billy, what are you—“ He was cut off most brilliantly as Billy stepped right up against him and retook his mouth in a demanding kiss, and his hands clutched Billy’s jacket.
“Okay,” he exhaled shakily when Billy released his mouth.
“No promises, Dominic,” Billy said unevenly, as he searched Dom’s face and eyes for confirmation.
“I’m not asking for any,” Dom replied, meeting Billy’s intent gaze.
Billy continued searching Dom’s eyes for a few more moments, and then he sighed quietly as he lowered his mouth back to Dom’s. Dom had been prepared for another forceful invasion and was surprised by the softness with which Billy was kissing him this time. Billy took his time, slowly and thoroughly mapping Dom’s mouth, teeth, and tongue, Dom shivering at each deliberate swipe of the man’s talented tongue.
Billy pulled back slightly a few minutes later. “Would you like to move somewhere else, or should I just fuck you up against the wall there?”
Dom’s eyes widened and his breath hitched painfully in his chest as a vivid image flashed in his mind - an image of him with his back against the wall and his legs wrapped tightly around Billy’s waist as Billy thrust up into him. “Oh God…”
“I don’t think I need to ask which you were just thinking of,” Billy chuckled huskily as he rolled his hips, the movement bringing their erections into direct contact.
Dom moaned and pressed forward, leaning his forehead on Billy’s shoulder. “My room is in the very back, Billy, and if you do that again, I highly doubt we’ll make it there,” he ground out.
Billy’s arms tightened, but then he set Dom at arm’s length. “Let’s get back there, then, Dominic. As much as I think we both enjoy the idea of the wall, I’m not sure either of us could physically accomplish that at the moment.”
Dom grabbed Billy’s hand and limped back across the house to his bedroom. Billy walked by him, squeezing his hand before dropping it and walking over to the bed. He stood by the end and began to undress, taking care to sharply fold and crease each item as he removed it. He made a low noise when he got his fly unbuttoned and the material parted and released its confinement of his rigid flesh.
Dom was still standing by the door, watching hungrily as Billy undressed. The low not-quite moan had him limping across the room until he could lower himself to his knees between Billy’s legs, his shaking hands pulling the uniform trousers and pants down over slim hips. God, the scent, Billy’s musk and sex; he inhaled deeply, his face pressed against Billy’s inner thigh, nose at the base of his cock, before he moved enough to take that heated flesh into his mouth.
Billy groaned loudly as Dom took him deep and sucked hard. Then one of Billy’s hands was in Dom’s hair and the other was sliding down the side of his neck to his shoulder, gripping, holding on. Dom sucked again, his tongue swirling around Billy’s cock before he pulled back and let it slip from his mouth.
“Jesus,” Billy panted, looking down into Dom’s darkened eyes.
“Still have your boots on, Boyd,” Dom smirked. “Harder to get the trousers off that way.”
“You’re obviously down there to help with that particular problem, yeah?”
“Obviously,” Dom chuckled huskily, as he turned his attention to untying Billy’s boots. Soon enough he had both boots undone and was pulling them off, along with the socks. He moved back enough for Bill to step out of the trousers and pants and watched as he carefully creased the trousers and laid them on top of the pile.
“So natty,” Dom teased as his hand roamed Billy’s newly exposed skin, stroking up to his hips and across the planes of his belly.
“Get up here, Monaghan,” Billy growled, reaching down to help support Dom’s weight as he lifted himself up on shaking legs.
Dom moaned as he was swung into a hard kiss, one of Billy’s hands moving to cup his chin, holding him while Billy angled his head for better access. Dom gasped into the kiss as Billy’s other hand cupped his hardness, fingers framing the rigid column. Billy squeezed and Dom broke from the kiss, crying out as he lowered his head to rest on Billy’s shoulder. He shuddered as Billy squeezed again and his hands scrabbled for his fly, needing to feel skin on skin contact before he went mad. He managed to peel his trousers and pants down enough for Billy to reach in and wrap his fingers around silky, straining heat. Dom pushed forward into Billy’s hand, a broken groan falling from his lips as Billy tightened his grip and began to stroke.
“Billy, please,” he whispered against Billy’s neck as clever fingers added a twist at the end of every stroke. He began thrusting, trying for even more friction. “Please, I want—“
“Know what you want,” Billy murmured thickly as he sank to his knees. He stroked down one last time before letting go and sucking Dom into his mouth.
Dom didn’t even have time to react to losing the sensation of Billy’s hand before he was being taken into Billy’s mouth; all he could do was close his eyes tightly and shudder violently as Billy began moving up and down his length, taking him deeper each time.
“So good, Billy…feels brilliant…please…oh God--“ Dom’s harsh chanting turned into a loud cry as Billy wrapped his tongue around the erection in his mouth before sucking hard, his cheeks hollowing around Dom’s cock. Dom’s hips thrust forward of their own accord and Billy’s hands moved to hold Dom still as best he could without breaking his rhythm. At a particularly emphatic flexing of Billy’s fingers, Dom opened his eyes, looked down and nearly came on the spot. He was mesmerized by the movement of his cock in and out of Billy’s mouth, by the way those lips wrapped tightly around his flesh. He reached down and cupped Billy’s face in his hands, his fingers tracing over Billy’s cheeks. He pressed gently, feeling the added friction against his cock and his eyes closed in pleasure.
Billy obligingly sucked harder, hollowing his cheeks again. “Billy, oh fuck!” Dom cried out, his hands moving up and fisting in Billy’s short hair. “I can’t…I have to…”
Billy released his bruising hold on Dom’s hips, relaxing his throat muscles and letting Dom thrust wildly, taking him deep. Dom released a series of breathy moans as his hips stuttered and then his back arched with the force of his orgasm as he felt Billy swallow around him.
“Billy…” he whispered a few seconds later, his hands unclenching and stroking back down to frame Billy’s face gently again.
Billy let Dom’s softening cock slip from his mouth, gently rubbing the tender skin on Dom’s hips. “You’ll have bruises.”
“Bill?”
“Mmm?”
“Don’t worry about bruises, all right? Just get up here and fuck me until I can’t remember my own name.”
“Jesus, Dominic,” Billy ground out as he pulled himself to standing. “Keep talking like that and this’ll be over before we can even get the rest of your clothes off, lad.”
Dom quickly pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor before skinning out of his trousers and pants and kicking them out of the way. “See how quick and easy it can be?”
“Such cheek,” Billy tsked. He climbed onto the bed and knelt, patting the mattress next to him. “Come on up, then, I’ve got something for you,” he added, stroking himself.
Dom’s spent cock twitched at the heavily accented words, and he carefully got up onto the bed. He sat on the edge and turned enough to face Billy. “Something I’ve wanted for a very long time,” he said hoarsely, laying his hands on Billy’s thighs. His fingers caught on a roughened and raised scar and he looked down at the puckered skin, tracing it lightly with a fingertip before looking back up to meet Billy’s gaze. “Bill…”
Billy let go of his dick and stroked down Dom’s flank. “Come over on your side.”
“No, Billy. I know you don’t want to hurt my leg, but I am not wasting this. I want you hard and deep. I want to be able to feel you after you’re gone.”
Billy shuddered and his hand flew between his legs, twisting his balls. “For Christ’s sake, don’t say things like that to me right now,” he grated, wincing at the self-induced pain.
Dom felt himself begin to harden again as he watched Billy struggle for control. It was about the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. He tore his hungry gaze from Billy and crawled to within reach of his bedside table drawer. He pulled out the tin of petroleum jelly he kept there and turned back around, showing it to Billy. “Can you or should I?”
Billy’s eyes shut tightly and when he opened them again there was only a slim ring of vibrant green surrounding the dilated pupil. “Let me,” he said thickly.
Dom twisted the top off and held it out to Billy. His breath caught almost painfully as he watched Billy dip his fingers in, coating them thoroughly before slicking up his cock. Then he reached in a second time, making sure his fingers were covered again.
“On your knees, then, Dominic.”
Dom’s cock jerked in response to the gravelly tone as he quickly turned and presented his backside to Billy, resting his weight on his elbows and laying his head on his forearm.
Billy ran his free hand from the nape of Dom’s neck down to the rounded buttocks. He squeezed one cheek and pulled it enough to expose Dom’s puckered entrance. He circled the hole with one of his greased fingers before slipping inside.
“So tight,” he rasped, slipping another finger in as gently as he could.
“Haven’t…oh God…done this in a while,” Dom panted as Billy’s fingers twisted inside of him. He moved his head restlessly against his arm and pushed back, letting Billy know he was ready for more. He couldn’t hold in his urgent moan as a third finger was pressed into him, working him open, stretching. “Billy, don’t…no more…need you…please…”
“And you’ll have me, Dominic,” Billy said hoarsely, withdrawing his fingers and guiding his cock to Dom’s entrance.
Dom whimpered, angling his head so that he could look back at Billy, his blue eyes dark and wild with need and hunger. Billy’s eyes fluttered shut as he moved forward, pushing slowly into Dom’s tight heat. Once fully seated, he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. He needed to focus and keep control because Dom was already moving, wanting more. “Keep still, Dom. I can’t…you have to let me…”
“Jesus, Bill, just fuck me,” Dom groaned, clenching around Billy’s cock.
Billy hissed at the sensation and then his fingers once again dug into Dom’s hips as he began thrusting, pulling Dom back against him on every stroke. He quickly moved from shallow thrusts to a deeper motion, sinking as far as he could into Dom’s body before pulling back again.
He leaned forward, covering Dom’s back with his chest, deliberately changing the angle of penetration. Dom cried out as Billy rubbed over his prostate, pushing himself up onto his hands, his hip cocking out to keep that angle. Billy moaned loudly and spread his knees to accommodate the new position. He let go of one of Dom’s hips, his arm wrapping around Dom’s chest, holding him tightly against his body as he started thrusting up. Dom pushed back and up, his head thrashing wildly as he keened his pleasure.
Billy moved to settle with his weight back on his heels, keeping his arm tightly around Dom’s chest, pulling Dom up with him.
“Oh God, Billy, so fucking good,” Dom moaned as he reached down and grabbed his aching erection, stroking himself roughly. His head fell back against Billy’s shoulder as he threw his free arm up to clutch the back of Billy’s neck.
Billy’s other arm moved up to reach around Dom’s abdomen, and Dom cried out loudly as Billy started thrusting up as hard and fast as he could manage.
“Billy, ohh, you’re…” Dom moaned as Billy hit his prostate on every thrust. Dom’s fingers slid down to dig brutally into Billy’s shoulder as his head rolled from side to side. He couldn’t seem to decide what to do with his other hand and alternated between stroking himself and reaching back to grab Billy’s hair, ear, neck, whatever he could wrap his fingers around. “Billy! Fuck, fuck, I’m so close, please…”
Billy lifted Dom up almost all the way off of his cock and then let him fall back down on it, thrusting up at the same time. Dom cried out loudly, his back bowing and his head pressing against Billy’s collarbone as he came hard, spurting onto the bed and his own belly as his muscles clenched around Billy’s cock.
Billy thrust three more times into Dom’s pliant body before his own orgasm overtook him. He came with a guttural moan and lowered his head to rest against Dom’s sweaty hair, their harsh, panting breath mingling.
Dom didn’t move or speak after, allowing Billy to support his weight and enjoying the physical closeness he’d never expected to have with this man. He knew it wouldn’t last long.
“How’s the leg?”
“Well fucked, just like the rest of me.”
Billy snorted behind him and Dom allowed a small smile to flit across his face as he turned enough to make eye contact. “It’s true.”
“I know,” came the low, teasing reply as Billy lifted him a bit and gently withdrew.
Dom winced as he laid himself down, rolling to face Billy. “It hurts, but it always hurts.”
Billy leaned over and examined the scars on Dom’s calf, both the bullet and the jagged surgery scars. His brow knitted as his fingers lightly traced several buckshot spray wounds. “Shotgun?”
“A pre-Great War Winchester. Those bastards shot me with one of the weapons from my family’s own gun collection, if you can believe that.”
Billy’s knuckles flew up to his mouth as if to keep laughter from spilling out. “I’m sorry, Dominic, but—“
“No, I get the humour of the situation. I do. I thought my brothers and uncles would die from laughing when we realized. I just wish it was someone else got shot,” Dom replied, chuckling ruefully.
Billy’s fingers brushed over Dom’s calf again. “They tell you you’d always have the limp?”
“Yes,” Dom snorted. “They also told me that I’d be using a cane for the rest of my life. You can see how much I take their words to heart.”
“Not done pushing yet, are you.”
“No, I’m not. I won’t settle, Bill. Not when there’s a chance for better.”
“Such a fighter,” Billy said approvingly.
“That you can bank on,” Dom said purposefully. “We’re a lot alike in that respect.”
“We are,” Billy agreed, a small smile quirking his lips. “I have a feeling that if you could go back into Germany, right into the lion’s den, you would.”
“Absolutely, I would. I’m not afraid to die for what I believe in.”
“Only now you can continue with what you were doing, but without the pressure of trying to hide or keep yourself alive. Best of both worlds, eh?”
“Are you trying to make me feel better about my circumstances, Major Boyd?”
“Transparent, that’s me.”
Dom shook his head, smiling as he pushed Billy over onto his back, rolling himself to cover the other man. “You are one of the least transparent men I have ever met, and I work in Intelligence.”
“I find that many people who work in Intelligence don’t have nearly as much of it as they reckon, Monaghan.”
“From consoling to maligning in under thirty seconds. Impressive, Major.”
Billy laughed, his eyes sparkling with humour and Dom lowered his head to Billy’s shoulder, unable to hold the gaze. He knew this was likely the only time they would be together in this way and he most definitely did not want to spoil it by letting Billy see how much more he wanted. He rubbed his forehead across Billy’s collarbone and gently kissed the scar he encountered there before pushing himself up and running a finger along it.
“That one’s from Tobruk,” Billy said quietly. “That, my thigh and then there’s one on my back.”
“Let me see,” Dom said, lifting himself up enough that Billy could turn under him. Billy obligingly turned over and Dom inhaled sharply at the jagged mark that extended alongside the spine from between Billy’s shoulders to the plane of his hip. “Jesus, Bill.”
“It isn’t as bad as it looks. Just a furrow, no deep tissue penetration.”
“Not that time,” Dom said lowly, tracing the entry point of one of the shots he knew had nearly killed Billy in Germany. It was low on his back and side, and deceptively tiny. Dom’s other hand slid round Billy’s side and brushed over the exit wound, which was almost twice the size. Then he ran a finger along the puckered flesh to the side of Billy’s left shoulder blade. The bullet had entered over the collarbone. “The third?”
“Does it really matter?”
“Yes.”
Billy took Dom’s hand and moved it to his right side, letting Dom’s fingers brush over the entry site. “It went in here, cracked ribs as it ricocheted off the ribcage and lodged in my lung.”
Dom’s fingers stopped moving as he truly considered the life threatening nature of those wounds. Each one of them, alone, could have killed Billy. “How..?”
Billy turned over to lie on his back and face Dom. “How did I survive? You, Hans-Peter and my inability to just be done with it, I expect.”
“No, what I mean is, how are you field-ready? Because I have to say that you are in amazing physical shape for someone who was nearly dead six months ago, Bill.”
Billy gave a lopsided grin. “Pong and Tze Li.”
“Eh?”
“We knew them in Shanghai. Tze was our unit’s Boy and Pong is his sister. They adopted us, made sure we knew how to eat, speak and move about like locals. Made life a hell of a lot easier over there, I’ll tell you. They came over sometime around ‘35 and Maggie took them in up in Glasgow until they got settled into their own place. The Chinese have exercises that produce brilliant results in flexibility and balance while being gentle and slow. As you build up your strength, you can do more complex and powerful moves. Put those workouts together with a combination of herbs, specifically applied heat, needles and pressure massage, and you have an amazing rehab program. Healing from the inside out, I suppose you could say.
“It’s also why Gerry has such an excellent range of motion despite how terrible his injuries were. If it had been left up to the doctors here, he’d be in a wheelchair with one arm and a damaged back. Maybe you should look into your own Chinese therapy, Dominic. It can’t do anything but improve your results.”
Dom looked thoughtful. “I may have to do that.”
A clock somewhere in the house struck the hour and Billy sighed deeply. “I have to go.”
“I know.”
Billy extricated himself from Dom’s limbs and got out of bed. He went into the wash room and took a quick shower before returning to dress.
Dom watched quietly as Billy pulled the layers of clothing back on, hiding the beautiful body, the scars, and the bruises Dom’s fingers had left. He wanted to say something, anything to keep the connection they’d forged, but couldn’t seem to get anything out of his mouth. Finally, when Billy was completely dressed and tying his boots, he got out of bed himself and pulled on his dressing robe.
Billy smiled as he straightened. “You’re going to see me out? How romantic.”
Dom rolled his eyes and felt his awkwardness disappear. They walked out to the sitting room again and Billy glanced at the table, sighing as he saw the abandoned coffee cup still sitting there.
“Poor Bill, having to give up his coffee for an amazing shag. I hope it was worth it for you.”
“I don’t know, mate, that was fresh milk.”
Dom threw his head back and laughed. “Better finish it up to make it worth your while then.”
Billy poured a bit of a warmer into the cup and took another drink, his eyes closing in pleasure. “God that’s good.”
“Don’t suppose we could have a go at this wall before you leave?” Dom asked huskily.
Billy laughed even as his eyes darkened again. “As much as I’d like to take you up against that wall, Dominic, I think that’ll have to be another time.”
“Will there be another time?” Dom winced inwardly as soon as the words left his mouth.
“No promises, but God knows if we make it through this war, anything is possible,” Billy said, his voice light but his eyes serious as he looked at Dom.
“Then I have something to ask of you,” Dom replied, swallowing hard. When Billy only raised an eyebrow, he continued. “Would you let me know you’re still alive every once in awhile? Just so the wall and I can keep our hopes up?”
Billy smiled and reached to shake Dom’s hand. “Don’t know how often or how timely you’ll receive the messages, but I’ll try.”
Dom grabbed Billy’s hand and pulled him into a tight hug. “Please take care, Bill.”
“I’ll do my best,” Billy replied, squeezing Dom even tighter for a moment “You take care of yourself as well, Dominic,” he added, setting Dom an arm’s length away.
Dom’s brows drew in as he tried to come up with something else to say, but there was nothing that wouldn’t give away the true depth of his feelings.
Billy cupped his face, kissing him gently, yet thoroughly, before stepping back. He gave one last light caress of fingers along Dom’s cheeks and jaw and then turned and left the house without another word.
Dom sat down at the table and stared at the coffee cup until his tears blurred it too much.
*********
5 April 1943 MI5 Building, London
Dom looked up from the report on his desk when his door opened rather abruptly. “Brigadier McKellen. To what do I owe the honour?”
McKellen simply walked across Dom’s small office and tossed an envelope onto his desk.
Dom picked it up and his heart rate increased when he saw the sender’s name. “Thank you, Ian,” he said quietly, turning the envelope over and over in his hands.
“I’ll leave you to it, then,” McKellen said, turning to leave and shutting the door behind himself.
His hands shook as he tore open the envelope and pulled out the paper inside. He took a deep breath and began to read.
Dominic,
Well, I’m still alive. It’s taken me long enough to write, sorry for that, but it’s been a bit of a close shave a few times out here. At the worst of it, though, I found myself thinking of coffee cups and sitting room walls, and I managed to pull through…
Feedback will be treasured. In fact, to those of you who've left fb along the way, your comments have inspired me and kept me going through some very tough times. Thank you for your encouragement and your investment in these boys. ♥
Title: Running With the Shadows
Rating: This part NC-17 for language and graphic sexual situations.
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Disclaimer: This story is not to be taken as factual even though there are factual elements to it - it is a fictionalized account and it did not happen. The characterizations are not the real people who's names and images I've used in my story - they are false and should not be taken to indicate any sort of agreement with what I've written. I am not making any money from this, only using my (admittedly) overactive imagination.
A/N: Artistic license is my friend. I've tried to be as accurate as possible but sometimes I tweak history to help myself out. ;-)
As this is the last chapter, I would like to take this opportunity to send thanks out to the fabulous folks who have helped me along the way.
aire_blair, dicorvo, elouisa, pippinmctaggart and tigg71, I can't thank you enough for your help, ideas and hard work. This story wouldn't be what it is without your invaluable assistance. So much love.For this specific chapter, many thanks to:
dicorvo for the betas, hand holding and reality checking; elouisa for the britpick and spot checking and major hand holding; and pippinmctaggart for the betas and hand holding. This wouldn't have been posted without y'all's encouragement as I would have long ago beaten my head into mush and given up. ::hugs::While this has been betaed, I am a compulsive tinkerer and any and all mistakes are mine.
Fabulous icon courtesy of the lovely
sandelwood.Previous chapters here.
Dom’s leg hurt. He leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to ride through the wave of pain.
“All right?” Matt asked anxiously, looking over at his brother in the passenger seat.
“Just hurts. It’ll settle in a few minutes,” Dom replied, not opening his eyes.
“Maybe we should—“
Dom could feel the weight of his brother’s gaze and worry. “For fuck sake, Matthew, it’s not going to fall off during this trip, and I’m not going to suddenly keel over and die from some pain.”
Matt huffed out a sigh. “I’m just—“
“Don’t make me have to kill you, Matt. My leg may still be weak, but I can take you, I guarantee it.” Matt laughed and Dom felt some of his irritation dissolve as a smile pulled at his lips.
“You’re such a wanker, Dom.”
“And you’re my brother so what does that make you, then?”
“The brother of a wanker, wanker,” Matt said, rolling his eyes.
“I hate you so much right now.”
“I want you to know that it’s okay Dominic, because I understand that, according to your odd wankerish logic, when you say you hate me you mean that you really love me.”
Dom finally chuckled, albeit reluctantly. “Matt?”
“Yes?”
“Just shut it and drive.”
“Dom?” Matt asked a few minutes later.
“Yeah?”
“What are you going to do when we get there? I mean, what if he’s angry or if things don’t go the way you’re hoping?”
Dom sighed. “Then we’ll come home, Matt. Nothing else to be done at that point, right? I just…I have to see what’s there, if anything. I have to know.”
“All right,” Matt said, nodding.
Dom and Matt stood on the front porch of an older house on the outskirts of Glasgow, waiting for their knock to be answered. The door swung open and a sullen-faced teenaged boy stood in the doorway.
“What do you want?”
“We’re here to see Major Boyd, please,” Matt announced formally.
“Well he’s not here so you can just go back where you came from,” the boy snapped, blue eyes flashing.
Dom shifted to ease the ache in his leg. “We just want to see how he’s doing,” he said evenly. “I was with him when he got injured.”
The boy looked down and saw the cane for the first time. It didn’t seem to make him more inclined to help, though. “If you were with him, then you’re military and you’re not bloody welcome here.”
Both Dom and Matt’s eyebrows shot up at that.
Suddenly a small woman appeared behind the boy. “Cam, who are you bein’ rude to now?” she asked, tucking a stray strand of dark brown hair behind her ear.
“These blokes here are looking for ‘Major Boyd,’” the boy said with an irritated sigh.
“Are they now?” she said, her sharp green eyes giving both Dom and Matt a thorough once-over.
Her eyes are just like Billy’s, Dom thought.
“Cam, get your uncle from the shed,” she said, her voice quietly commanding. Once the boy was on the move, she looked back at the two men on her stoop. “Why don’t you come in and wait,” she said, leading them into the house and back to a small informal dining room off of the kitchen and waving them to sit at the table there. “Now, what can I get you to drink?”
“Coffee?” Matt’s voice was hopeful.
“Sorry, but with the rations, we don’t have any left. Tea? Something cold?”
“Tea would be lovely, thanks,” Dom said, smiling at her.
The woman smiled a little although it didn’t reach her eyes. “May I ask what it is you’re wanting to see him about?”
“Oh, for fuck sake, the bloody English have invaded,” Sergeant Sean Bean called out loudly as he entered the room.
“Considering you’re English yourself, Sergeant Bean, I’d shut your gob,” Dom retorted, grinning widely.
Dom and Matt stood to shake hands and Bean waved Dom back down. “Sit down before you fall down, git,” he said gruffly. He shook both men’s hands warmly though and when Dom looked back over to the woman, her smile was much friendlier than it had been earlier.
“Maggie, meet the Monaghan brothers, Dominic and Matthew,” Bean said with a grin. “Dom, Matt? This is Billy’s sister, Maggie Butler. And welcome to Glasgow, by the way.”
Maggie’s smile faltered a bit. “That Dominic?”
“Yeah,” Sean replied, nodding. He turned to Dom and Matt. “Billy has nightmares sometimes.”
“Me, too,” Dom said, nodding his understanding. “Scares the life out of my family when I start screaming in the middle of the night. Or day, come to that. The dreams don’t know the difference, yeah?”
Maggie’s eyes softened in compassion. “No, they don’t. My husband is the very same. He was in the military as well, served under Billy from the day they left Glasgow together in 1927, until he was discharged this past year. There’s plenty of bad dreams in this house and that’s for sure.”
Bean walked over to Maggie and threw his arm around her shoulder, hugging her close.
“Did you ever meet my husband Gerry?” Maggie asked quietly. “He was in Shanghai at the same time as Billy and Sean.”
“No, we never met him or any of the rest of team back then, only Bean and Billy,” Dom answered. “They had the lucky duty that day.”
“Whose car is that out front?” a voice from the front of the house floated back as the door was opened.
“Told you, Da, some blokes looking for ‘Major Boyd’ are here,” they could all hear Cam’s sullen voice answer. Maggie’s husband was saying something else to the boy, but it was too low for them to make out.
“You’ll have to forgive my son, the war has taken so much away from him,” Maggie said softly.
Dom and Matt nodded, they could completely understand.
A few moments later a tall dark-haired man entered the kitchen, his intense blue gaze taking in the scene. “Looking for Major Boyd, are you?”
Sean smirked. “They’re not military, Gerry. This is Dominic and Matthew Monaghan. They’ve come to see how Billy’s been getting on.”
Gerry’s eyes widened. “That Dominic?”
“Oh for fuck sake, yes, I’m apparently that Dominic,” Dom snapped.
Matthew looked bemused, Maggie looked vaguely mortified, Gerry seemed, rightly, confused and Sean just laughed.
“So glad to have amused you, Sergeant Bean.”
“Calm down, Dom, it’s not a slight on you.”
“Truth be told, Dominic,” Gerry said, looking over between Bean and Maggie before meeting Dom’s eyes, “we didn’t think we’d ever meet you and that, more than anything, is what’s got us floundering.”
“But you are more than welcome here,” Maggie rushed to assure them. She took a breath. “Right. Tea. We have powdered milk if you take it, but I’m sorry, we’re near the end of the ration ticket right now so I can’t spare the sugar.”
“Black is fine,” Matt said.
“That’s how we all take it nowadays,” Bean said, grimacing.
Gerry and Bean sat at the table and the cups were set down and poured. “I’ll have some sandwiches in just a few minutes,” Maggie said, smiling.
“So where is Billy?” Dom asked.
“Physical therapy,” Bean answered. “His routine is much longer and more technical than mine is, so I always sneak back before him and get first dibs on the food.”
Chuckles rang out and the mood lightened. Bean asked after Hans-Peter and was informed that the German was happily involved in mediating between American and British Intelligence and that not too long after Dom had gotten out of the hospital, Matt and Hans-Peter had conspired to rescue him from his mother and sister and had moved him into the townhouse they’d been sharing in London. Dom had rolled his eyes at Matt’s, “Finally a rescue mission I could take part in.” They had gotten around to Karl and Orlando, and how they were both faring well in their respective units, when Maggie placed a large platter of sandwiches on the table and pulled up two more chairs. She sat down and they started eating.
A few minutes later, the back door was slamming shut and then Billy came into the room, green eyes widening as he realized who was in his home.
“We have guests for tea, Bill,” Maggie said placidly.
“Yes, I can see that,” Billy replied evenly. Too evenly, Dom thought and was proved correct by the exchange of glances between Maggie, Gerry and Sean. “Matthew. Dominic.” He nodded to each of them, but he was obviously not happy to see them.
“They came to see how you were getting on,” Gerry offered.
“Oh, I’m sure,” Billy said tightly.
“Sit down and have something to eat, Bill,” Sean said firmly.
Billy ignored him and stalked over to Dom. “Might I have a word with you in private, Dominic?”
“Of course,” Dom said, getting up too quickly and having to grab the back of his chair to balance himself. Billy was already heading to another part of the house and Dom limped heavily after him, his cane forgotten.
Matt looked down at his half-eaten sandwich and pushed the plate away. He’d lost his appetite. Then he noticed the cane. “He’s going to need that soon. He hates it, but he can’t get around very well yet.”
Gerry reached over and laid his hand on Matt’s shoulder. “We’ll give them a few minutes, and then I’ll take it over.”
“I told Dom this was a bad idea,” Matt sighed.
“It may be too soon,” Bean agreed. “Everything is so raw still.”
Matt nodded. “He was so determined. You were in the field with him, Sergeant, even if only for a short time. Can you imagine trying to divert him from a path he’d decided was right?”
“No,” Bean replied with a small smile. “I also have to salute you for knowing it was a bad idea and bringing him anyway, knowing he’d try this whether you were on board or not.”
“Sounds like every last one of you unit boys,” Maggie said, looking at Bean and Gerry.
“They’re quite similar,” Bean agreed. “If the timing had been better it could maybe have worked, but this? Billy won’t stand for this right now.”
There was a muffled thump and Gerry was up and out of his chair. “Why don’t you make use of the porch?” he suggested as he leaned down to pick up the cane. “I’ll just take this over. Sounds like Dominic will need it.”
Matt look worried.
“He’ll be all right, Matt. Angry as Bill might get, he won’t physically hurt your brother. I promise you that. Now go on with you.”
Gerry waited until they were all out of the house and then he took a deep breath and headed over to where Billy’s room was located.
Billy turned on Dom the moment he got all the way into the room. “What are you doing here, Monaghan?” he growled, slamming the door shut as his angry gaze bored into Dom’s surprise-widened eyes.
“I was…” Dom trailed off, swallowing hard. “I just wanted to—“
“What?” Billy cut him off, his voice scathing. “Continue where we left off in the tunnel?”
Dom blinked slowly. This wasn’t exactly how he’d foreseen this going and he was off-balance and unsure of how to… Ahhh, he thought, best defence is offence, is it Major? Well, two can play at that game. “Maybe.”
Billy’s jaw clenched and he stepped right up into Dom’s face. “Whatever it is you’re looking for isn’t here,” he said, tightly. “Leave it alone.” And with that, he turned and began walking back toward the door. Dom watched him cross the room and knew he couldn’t leave it.
He sucked in a breath and limped to where Billy’s hand was turning the knob, grabbing Billy’s shoulder. “Bill—“
Next thing Dom knew, he was against the wall and Billy’s face was only inches from his own, those green eyes flashing dangerously. “You need to leave it alone now, Dominic,” he said, biting off each word precisely.
Dom was caught up in the intensity of those eyes, eyes which had haunted his dreams the past few months and then his gaze slipped down to Billy’s mouth, the lips compressed into a thin line that still somehow started a ribbon of heat low in Dom’s belly. Dom’s tongue darted out to lick his own dry lips.
Billy cursed as he crushed his mouth to Dom’s. The kiss was brutal, their teeth clicking several times as they attacked each other’s mouths, unwilling or unable to slow down or gentle. Dom flattened back against the wall, spreading his legs, unintentionally mirroring their position in the tunnel. Billy moved against him and Dom might’ve felt gratified at the hardness against his hip if he hadn’t been so desperate to get closer. His hands moved lower, one clutching tightly at Billy’s trouser waistband, the other sliding further around, gripping one firm arsecheek and moving Billy into direct contact with Dom’s aching arousal. Dom moaned into Billy’s mouth and began thrusting, his need so great he was unable to stop himself.
Billy ripped his mouth from Dom’s and Dom whimpered (and wouldn’t he be embarrassed about that later on) as he tried to recapture those incredible lips again. “Billy, Billy, please…” he chanted as he moved against Billy, his thrusts becoming erratic as he neared his climax.
“Fuck, Dominic, what are you—“ Billy’s breath hitched as Dom gave up trying to kiss him and instead scraped teeth across his chin. “doing to me? Christ!”
Dom shuddered as Billy’s rough, heavily-accented voice washed over him. God, he was so close, so close… He angled himself so that when he next thrust up, his thick arousal slid all the way along the underside of Billy’s cock. Dom felt Billy’s whole body tense and he pulled Billy harder onto his rigid flesh as he moved forward and back again. Billy pressed his forehead against Dom’s shoulder as he came hard, biting his lip till it bled to keep from crying out. Dom shuddered violently as his own orgasm swept through him.
They stood together for a few moments, shaking in the aftermath, Dom listening to Billy’s harsh breathing.
Dom moved his head just a bit so that he was closer to Billy’s ear. “All right?” If he hadn’t been concentrating on Billy, he’d have probably been mortified at how hoarse and uneven his voice was right then.
Billy recoiled and pulled away from Dom, turning his back immediately. “Leave. Now.” There was no unevenness in Billy’s tone. In fact, there was nothing, his voice was flat.
Dom stood there, hurt washing over him at the dismissal. Then came the anger. “Look at me, Boyd.”
Billy turned his head half-way towards Dom. It wasn’t enough for Dom to see his face completely, but he knew he had Billy’s attention, anyway.
“I want you to look me in the eye if you’re going to fucking dismiss me. I think I deserve that.”
Billy took a deep breath before he turned to face Dom fully. Dom was surprised at what he saw in Billy’s eyes – pain, sadness, guilt.
“I can’t give you what you think you want,” Billy said quietly.
“I’ll have to beg to differ with you. I believe you just showed me quite clearly that you are capable of giving me exactly what I want,” Dom said pointedly.
Billy’s eyes flashed again. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“No,” Dom said evenly. “I don’t. Explain it to me.” When Billy only glared at him, he sighed. “Please, Billy. Make it very clear.”
“Physically, I do want you,” Billy said in clipped tones. “There’s no point in denying that, but that’s not all you’re after and I can’t give anything else to you, Dominic. Even if that were something I was interested in, I…belong…to someone.”
Dom couldn’t help the flinch that accompanied the last sentence. “Why didn’t you just tell me that before? Wouldn’t that have been simpler than this?” he asked, gesturing between the two of them.
“I told you to leave it. You’re the one who pushed.”
“Yeah,” Dom replied, reaching for the doorknob. He paused, turning back to look at Billy. “I won’t apologize for what happened, Bill. It felt…right.” And before Billy could refute what he’d said, Dom limped heavily out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Gerry Butler was standing there, Dom’s cane in his hand, waiting for him. Dom knew he’d heard at least some of what had gone on, but met the blue gaze squarely as he reached for his cane.
“Sorry to have taken up your tea break,” Dom said, proud that his voice was steady.
“Not a problem, mate,” Gerry rumbled as he gestured Dom forward. “Come on, I’ll see you out.”
He walked Dom to the front of the house where Matt, Sean and Maggie were sitting on the porch, chatting amiably.
Matt looked up at him. “Ready to go, then?”
“Yes,” Dom said, nodding. “Thank you again for your hospitality, Mr. and Mrs. Butler. Sergeant Bean, it was good to see you again,” he added as Matt stood. They shook Gerry’s and Sean’s hands and kissed Maggie’s cheek and headed for the car.
A few steps off the porch, Matt threw his arm around Dom’s shoulders and pulled him in for a quick tight hug. Dom let him, uncaring who saw. They hugged for a few seconds, and then started walking again, Matt’s arm still around Dom’s shoulders.
Bean looked over at Gerry as the Monaghans began walking again after the brief hug. “That doesn’t bode well for Billy’s state of mind,” he said quietly.
“I should—“ Maggie began worriedly.
“No, Maggie,” Gerry broke in gently. “I’m just giving him a few minutes, and then I’ll go and see to him. Why don’t you and Sean stay out here for a bit longer.”
Bean’s eyes flew to Gerry’s and saw the emotions there, understood that Gerry needed to be there for Billy this time. He put his arm around Maggie’s shoulders. “Let’s us take a walk.”
Maggie looked from her husband face to Sean’s, reading their emotions, and nodded. “Alright, but don’t imagine that I won’t be checking on him, on the both of you, when we get back,” she said fiercely.
Gerry nodded, understanding her need to protect. The war had taken so much away from Margaret Butler, and she wasn’t about to stand by and do nothing if her men were hurting.
“I’d expect nothing less, love. Now go on with you.”
He stood and watched Bean and his wife walk slowly toward the road, Bean’s arm still around Maggie’s shoulders, and Maggie leaning into Bean’s side. He sighed heavily and headed back into the house.
When Gerry opened the door, Billy was standing in the middle of the room, his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. “Ach, Bill,” he murmured as he crossed the room and took his friend into his arms.
“I…can’t…he’s…”
“Don’t have to explain to me, Billy-lad,” Gerry said softly, one large hand cradling the back of Billy’s head against his shoulder. “Just let it out. You’ve not yet mourned properly, I know you haven’t. You had to keep it together for the rest of us, and you’ve never been given the chance; it’s time.”
Billy shook his head and pulled back a bit. Gerry simply moved to cup his friend’s head in both of his hands, his intense blue eyes searching Billy’s overwrought green. “It won’t go away Bill, I can fucking promise you that. You have to face it - Ewan is never coming back. You’ll never hold him again, never kiss him, never—“
“Do you think I don’t know that, Gerry?” Billy yelled as he jerked away. “I’m fucking sick with it everyday. Every fucking day, mate. This was our home and now I’ve…Oh God, I’ve…” and Billy’s face fell and a harsh sob shook his shoulders.
Gerry had no problem finishing the thought. Billy had had sex with another man in his and Ewan’s home, less than a year after Ewan had been killed. Gerry ached for Billy as he pulled him into another tight embrace, feeling those deep, painful sobs wracking the thin body. Ewan had been one of his best mates as well and he was still grieving himself. He hated knowing that the reason Bill was reacting so badly to events today was because he’d never been given the proper chance to grieve before. He’d had to put it away as best he could—first as a commanding officer of a mission that had gone so terribly wrong (and Gerry still hated the brass for trying to stick it to Bill for their intel failures); then as a leader and friend to his remaining team as he fought to get them through those first awful weeks. Gerry didn’t like to remember how badly he’d acted when he’d woken up to find not only Ewan and John dead, but that his leg was gone and that they wanted to take an arm as well. He’d wanted to die, had lain in that hospital bed in North Africa and screamed and raged at everyone who came close until Bill had slapped some sense into him – literally. Billy had continued to ride herd on all of his men, until they’d been taken away from him one by one.
Karl had been first since he’d had the most minor of injuries, a clean shot through the arm and a nasty furrow-shot across his ribs. He’d been sent back to his original unit (the Kiwi Brigade, as they’d been teasingly called since the night Karl had shown up in the desert with a smirk and a wink for Orlando) just in time to ship out to Malta. Orli had been next, because his hands were undamaged, and he could be put to use defusing bombs as his dexterity was unaffected. Gerry, Sean and Billy had been sent back to England together, although soon after arriving, Gerry was honourably discharged and sent home to recover as best he could. Billy had been bitter about the fact that he and Sean were being kept in England, but since Bill and Sean both still belonged to the Crown, there was nothing to be done about it. Gerry had gone home and gone through the worst time of his life while his mates had been hidden away on a base somewhere. They’d communicated as often as they could, but no leave had been granted, so no visits could be made.
For three months Bill and Sean had been in limbo. Sean had been rehabbing from a deep and nasty bullet wound and subsequent dislocation of the shoulder. Billy had been working back from a messy shot through his thigh and two deep furrows, one across his collarbone and shoulder and the other the length of his back. He’d been shot when he’d gone out and dragged Ewan’s body back from where it had lain outside of their protective ridge.
Gerry realized that he was crying now too; his hands clenched into fists, grasping bunches of Billy’s shirt. He’d thought he was through with this part, but he’d forgotten that, while he had grieved before, it hadn’t been with any of his mates. He also hadn’t really considered that he could have lost the man in his arms. Even when he’d first seen Billy, pale and sick from transport from England and looking one step away from death, it somehow hadn’t occurred to him that Billy might not recover, wouldn’t be back to full health again. He tucked Billy’s head under his chin and held on as tightly as he could.
Dom was reading through his report, when he heard the knock at his door. Fucking Matt, he thought as he limped across the entire house to get to the door. He’d told his brother to take his key with him since Dom hadn’t known how long he’d be at home today.
“Did I not tell you to take your bloody key today,” Dom snapped as he swung the heavy door open. His eyes widened as he realized who was standing there. “Oh…ehm… Major Boyd. I wasn’t expecting…” he trailed off stiltedly.
Billy’s lips quirked in a self-deprecating smirk as he answered, “No, I don’t suppose you would have been. May I come in?”
Dom blinked slowly, thinking about it for a long moment before he stepped back and gestured Billy in. “I must say you’ve got my curiosity piqued, Major. What can you possibly have to say to me after our last visit?”
“Quite a bit, actually,” Billy said evenly as he met Dom’s questioning eyes. “First I’d like to offer you an apology, Dominic. You didn’t deserve the treatment I handed out to you then.”
“No, I didn’t,” Dom agreed.
“I was…well, I wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind when you showed up,” Billy began ruefully. “I’d like to explain a bit, if you would allow me?”
Dom looked at Billy as he unconsciously chewed on the inside of his cheek. He’d often wished for an explanation over the past few months, but now that it was literally staring him in the face he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it; wasn’t sure he wanted the remnants of his daydreams shattered as definitively as they most likely would be by any explanation Billy had to offer.
“Dominic?”
Billy’s gentle prompt pulled Dom back into the present and he knew, destroyed daydreams or not, he had to know why he wasn’t acceptable to the man standing before him. “Would you like some tea?”
“I’d bloody well kill for some coffee,” Bill replied, sighing. “But tea will do.”
Dom smiled as he showed Billy into the sitting room. There was a small table set by the window, and he settled Billy into one of the chairs. “Be right back,” he said and hurried off to the library where he’d been working. When he came back, pot on tray in hand, Billy was staring out the window, his face a study in melancholy.
“How do you take it, Major?”
Billy blinked and turned back from the window. “What was that?”
“Your coffee, Major, how do you take it?” Dom replied quietly, the shadows in Boyd’s eyes affecting him more than he thought.
“Coffee? Bless you, son. Black is fine.”
“This isn’t the field, Major. I have sugar and milk if you take them.”
“Fresh milk?”
Billy’s voice was so hopeful Dom couldn’t help but smile. “Fresh milk,” he answered as he set the tray down. “Fix it to your liking.”
A few minutes later Dom was seated across from Billy, watching him savour the coffee - holding the cup in both hands, eyes closed as he smelled the fragrant brew before taking a small sip and rolling it around in his mouth. Dom could only wonder if there was anything Major William Boyd could do that wouldn’t make him hard.
“Not to rush your enjoyment of the coffee, Major, but you were going to tell me something?” Dom winced a bit inwardly at the sarcastic tone of his voice.
“Right,” Billy said crisply, setting the cup down, but keeping one finger looped around the handle, as if assuring himself it wasn’t going to just disappear.
“Why don’t you start with the part where you belong to someone else, and you didn’t just tell me that straight away in Germany after you kissed me,” Dom said, surprised at how angry he was again.
“It isn’t…I don’t…“ Billy’s jaw clenched. “Let me tell you what I’ve got to tell you, Dominic, and then you can say whatever you want, all right?”
Dom nodded curtly and Boyd sighed heavily.
“My original SAS team was four of my mates from the Scots Guard: Bean, Gerry Butler, whom you met in Glasgow, and two others, John Hannah and Ewan McGregor. Orlando and Karl became part of it later. Point is, when you first met me and Bean in ’29, I’d already been with Ewan for six years. We’d grown up together; best mates and then…more. We’d joined up, served, and moved up through the ranks together. We were never separated, not once in all of that time. Ewan was…he…” Billy’s eyes closed for a long moment, and when they opened again they were clouded with memory. “It was December 28, 1941, outside Tobruk. We’d been behind enemy lines on and off for five days, and our reflexes were dulled. He…”
Billy took a hitching breath before continuing. “I almost expected him to sit back up and tell the Jerries to fuck off, he looked so angry. I’ve seen a lot of death, Dominic, and most have fear, pain or surprise frozen on their face when they go. I don’t think I’ll ever forget seeing his blood spray, and then, after I crawled to get to him, his face.” As if to illustrate his point, Billy shook his head almost violently. “It was a mess; Ewan and John dead, the rest of us shot to hell. It was a bloody miracle we got out of there at all. Somehow we made it back behind our own lines, but it was only starting, yeah? They disbanded us. Karl and Orlando were sent back to their original units, and then they discharged Gerry, but wouldn’t let Sean and me see him. They wouldn’t even let me go to see my sister. They kept Sean and me out at High Wycombe while we were rehabbing, but even though we had no duties on the base we couldn’t really leave either. We were there for three months, and then we were summoned for a mission. For you,” Billy said, his eyes meeting Dom’s squarely.
Dom’s eyes widened. Not nearly enough time, Jesus, no wonder Bill had pushed him away so vehemently “I didn’t realize…”
Billy waved his words away. “And how would you have? It wasn’t as if we were going out for a friendly drink down the pub. I was on a mission, and when I’m working, people’s lives are at risk. I can’t…I can’t be distracted, Dominic, and you were one hell of a distraction.”
“You were…are…pretty distracting yourself, Major,” Dom replied, wanting to kick himself for saying anything at all, let alone the huskiness of his voice.
Billy’s sharp green gaze flew to Dom’s face, searching, but when he continued speaking, he ignored Dom’s words. “I couldn’t allow myself to consider you as anything but the objective, until we were as settled and protected as possible, but you impressed me, Dominic. I wanted to see what you were like as a man and not a boy. I wanted to know more about you, but I started thinking of Ewan and I couldn’t.”
“That’s why I came across you in the tunnel,” Dom said quietly. He’d wondered why Billy had been in the tunnel, and not back with his men.
“Aye,” Billy nodded. “And then you told me you were thinking of me sucking your tadger.”
Dom rubbed his palm into his right eye before running that hand across his face. “I hadn’t known I’d spoken that out loud, Bill.”
“You inflamed me, Dominic. Between you and the exhaustion I didn’t stand a chance.”
“I’m glad, Billy,” Dom answered thickly. “I’m so glad you couldn’t control yourself because otherwise I’d’ve never known what it was like to be kissed by you. I’d’ve never known how good you felt against me.”
Billy’s eyes darkened dangerously.
“Presumably you are heading back out into the field,” Dom continued as he placed his hands, palms down, flat against the table. “So you wanted me to know what happened in Glasgow. You wanted it all cleared up in case you really die this time, yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Understood,” Dom said pushing himself to standing and leaning over the table, inches from Billy’s face. “You overlooked one thing, though, Bill.”
“What’s that?” Bill said hoarsely.
“I push for what I want,” Dom growled as he leaned to cover Billy’s mouth with his.
Billy groaned and stood himself, his fingers biting into Dom’s shoulders as he opened his mouth and allowed Dom to deepen the kiss. After all too short a time, he pulled back, breathless. “Damn you, Monaghan, I didn’t come here for this.”
“I know you didn’t,” Dom replied, his blue eyes intent on Billy’s face. “You came here to ease your conscience. Like I said, I understand that. Thing is, you’re going back into the field so there may never be another chance; I want you, Bill.”
Billy’s breath caught and he pried his fingers from Dom’s shoulders and stepped away from the table. Dom thought for one agonizing moment that Boyd was going to tell him no, deny them both what they so obviously wanted.
“Billy, what are you—“ He was cut off most brilliantly as Billy stepped right up against him and retook his mouth in a demanding kiss, and his hands clutched Billy’s jacket.
“Okay,” he exhaled shakily when Billy released his mouth.
“No promises, Dominic,” Billy said unevenly, as he searched Dom’s face and eyes for confirmation.
“I’m not asking for any,” Dom replied, meeting Billy’s intent gaze.
Billy continued searching Dom’s eyes for a few more moments, and then he sighed quietly as he lowered his mouth back to Dom’s. Dom had been prepared for another forceful invasion and was surprised by the softness with which Billy was kissing him this time. Billy took his time, slowly and thoroughly mapping Dom’s mouth, teeth, and tongue, Dom shivering at each deliberate swipe of the man’s talented tongue.
Billy pulled back slightly a few minutes later. “Would you like to move somewhere else, or should I just fuck you up against the wall there?”
Dom’s eyes widened and his breath hitched painfully in his chest as a vivid image flashed in his mind - an image of him with his back against the wall and his legs wrapped tightly around Billy’s waist as Billy thrust up into him. “Oh God…”
“I don’t think I need to ask which you were just thinking of,” Billy chuckled huskily as he rolled his hips, the movement bringing their erections into direct contact.
Dom moaned and pressed forward, leaning his forehead on Billy’s shoulder. “My room is in the very back, Billy, and if you do that again, I highly doubt we’ll make it there,” he ground out.
Billy’s arms tightened, but then he set Dom at arm’s length. “Let’s get back there, then, Dominic. As much as I think we both enjoy the idea of the wall, I’m not sure either of us could physically accomplish that at the moment.”
Dom grabbed Billy’s hand and limped back across the house to his bedroom. Billy walked by him, squeezing his hand before dropping it and walking over to the bed. He stood by the end and began to undress, taking care to sharply fold and crease each item as he removed it. He made a low noise when he got his fly unbuttoned and the material parted and released its confinement of his rigid flesh.
Dom was still standing by the door, watching hungrily as Billy undressed. The low not-quite moan had him limping across the room until he could lower himself to his knees between Billy’s legs, his shaking hands pulling the uniform trousers and pants down over slim hips. God, the scent, Billy’s musk and sex; he inhaled deeply, his face pressed against Billy’s inner thigh, nose at the base of his cock, before he moved enough to take that heated flesh into his mouth.
Billy groaned loudly as Dom took him deep and sucked hard. Then one of Billy’s hands was in Dom’s hair and the other was sliding down the side of his neck to his shoulder, gripping, holding on. Dom sucked again, his tongue swirling around Billy’s cock before he pulled back and let it slip from his mouth.
“Jesus,” Billy panted, looking down into Dom’s darkened eyes.
“Still have your boots on, Boyd,” Dom smirked. “Harder to get the trousers off that way.”
“You’re obviously down there to help with that particular problem, yeah?”
“Obviously,” Dom chuckled huskily, as he turned his attention to untying Billy’s boots. Soon enough he had both boots undone and was pulling them off, along with the socks. He moved back enough for Bill to step out of the trousers and pants and watched as he carefully creased the trousers and laid them on top of the pile.
“So natty,” Dom teased as his hand roamed Billy’s newly exposed skin, stroking up to his hips and across the planes of his belly.
“Get up here, Monaghan,” Billy growled, reaching down to help support Dom’s weight as he lifted himself up on shaking legs.
Dom moaned as he was swung into a hard kiss, one of Billy’s hands moving to cup his chin, holding him while Billy angled his head for better access. Dom gasped into the kiss as Billy’s other hand cupped his hardness, fingers framing the rigid column. Billy squeezed and Dom broke from the kiss, crying out as he lowered his head to rest on Billy’s shoulder. He shuddered as Billy squeezed again and his hands scrabbled for his fly, needing to feel skin on skin contact before he went mad. He managed to peel his trousers and pants down enough for Billy to reach in and wrap his fingers around silky, straining heat. Dom pushed forward into Billy’s hand, a broken groan falling from his lips as Billy tightened his grip and began to stroke.
“Billy, please,” he whispered against Billy’s neck as clever fingers added a twist at the end of every stroke. He began thrusting, trying for even more friction. “Please, I want—“
“Know what you want,” Billy murmured thickly as he sank to his knees. He stroked down one last time before letting go and sucking Dom into his mouth.
Dom didn’t even have time to react to losing the sensation of Billy’s hand before he was being taken into Billy’s mouth; all he could do was close his eyes tightly and shudder violently as Billy began moving up and down his length, taking him deeper each time.
“So good, Billy…feels brilliant…please…oh God--“ Dom’s harsh chanting turned into a loud cry as Billy wrapped his tongue around the erection in his mouth before sucking hard, his cheeks hollowing around Dom’s cock. Dom’s hips thrust forward of their own accord and Billy’s hands moved to hold Dom still as best he could without breaking his rhythm. At a particularly emphatic flexing of Billy’s fingers, Dom opened his eyes, looked down and nearly came on the spot. He was mesmerized by the movement of his cock in and out of Billy’s mouth, by the way those lips wrapped tightly around his flesh. He reached down and cupped Billy’s face in his hands, his fingers tracing over Billy’s cheeks. He pressed gently, feeling the added friction against his cock and his eyes closed in pleasure.
Billy obligingly sucked harder, hollowing his cheeks again. “Billy, oh fuck!” Dom cried out, his hands moving up and fisting in Billy’s short hair. “I can’t…I have to…”
Billy released his bruising hold on Dom’s hips, relaxing his throat muscles and letting Dom thrust wildly, taking him deep. Dom released a series of breathy moans as his hips stuttered and then his back arched with the force of his orgasm as he felt Billy swallow around him.
“Billy…” he whispered a few seconds later, his hands unclenching and stroking back down to frame Billy’s face gently again.
Billy let Dom’s softening cock slip from his mouth, gently rubbing the tender skin on Dom’s hips. “You’ll have bruises.”
“Bill?”
“Mmm?”
“Don’t worry about bruises, all right? Just get up here and fuck me until I can’t remember my own name.”
“Jesus, Dominic,” Billy ground out as he pulled himself to standing. “Keep talking like that and this’ll be over before we can even get the rest of your clothes off, lad.”
Dom quickly pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor before skinning out of his trousers and pants and kicking them out of the way. “See how quick and easy it can be?”
“Such cheek,” Billy tsked. He climbed onto the bed and knelt, patting the mattress next to him. “Come on up, then, I’ve got something for you,” he added, stroking himself.
Dom’s spent cock twitched at the heavily accented words, and he carefully got up onto the bed. He sat on the edge and turned enough to face Billy. “Something I’ve wanted for a very long time,” he said hoarsely, laying his hands on Billy’s thighs. His fingers caught on a roughened and raised scar and he looked down at the puckered skin, tracing it lightly with a fingertip before looking back up to meet Billy’s gaze. “Bill…”
Billy let go of his dick and stroked down Dom’s flank. “Come over on your side.”
“No, Billy. I know you don’t want to hurt my leg, but I am not wasting this. I want you hard and deep. I want to be able to feel you after you’re gone.”
Billy shuddered and his hand flew between his legs, twisting his balls. “For Christ’s sake, don’t say things like that to me right now,” he grated, wincing at the self-induced pain.
Dom felt himself begin to harden again as he watched Billy struggle for control. It was about the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. He tore his hungry gaze from Billy and crawled to within reach of his bedside table drawer. He pulled out the tin of petroleum jelly he kept there and turned back around, showing it to Billy. “Can you or should I?”
Billy’s eyes shut tightly and when he opened them again there was only a slim ring of vibrant green surrounding the dilated pupil. “Let me,” he said thickly.
Dom twisted the top off and held it out to Billy. His breath caught almost painfully as he watched Billy dip his fingers in, coating them thoroughly before slicking up his cock. Then he reached in a second time, making sure his fingers were covered again.
“On your knees, then, Dominic.”
Dom’s cock jerked in response to the gravelly tone as he quickly turned and presented his backside to Billy, resting his weight on his elbows and laying his head on his forearm.
Billy ran his free hand from the nape of Dom’s neck down to the rounded buttocks. He squeezed one cheek and pulled it enough to expose Dom’s puckered entrance. He circled the hole with one of his greased fingers before slipping inside.
“So tight,” he rasped, slipping another finger in as gently as he could.
“Haven’t…oh God…done this in a while,” Dom panted as Billy’s fingers twisted inside of him. He moved his head restlessly against his arm and pushed back, letting Billy know he was ready for more. He couldn’t hold in his urgent moan as a third finger was pressed into him, working him open, stretching. “Billy, don’t…no more…need you…please…”
“And you’ll have me, Dominic,” Billy said hoarsely, withdrawing his fingers and guiding his cock to Dom’s entrance.
Dom whimpered, angling his head so that he could look back at Billy, his blue eyes dark and wild with need and hunger. Billy’s eyes fluttered shut as he moved forward, pushing slowly into Dom’s tight heat. Once fully seated, he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. He needed to focus and keep control because Dom was already moving, wanting more. “Keep still, Dom. I can’t…you have to let me…”
“Jesus, Bill, just fuck me,” Dom groaned, clenching around Billy’s cock.
Billy hissed at the sensation and then his fingers once again dug into Dom’s hips as he began thrusting, pulling Dom back against him on every stroke. He quickly moved from shallow thrusts to a deeper motion, sinking as far as he could into Dom’s body before pulling back again.
He leaned forward, covering Dom’s back with his chest, deliberately changing the angle of penetration. Dom cried out as Billy rubbed over his prostate, pushing himself up onto his hands, his hip cocking out to keep that angle. Billy moaned loudly and spread his knees to accommodate the new position. He let go of one of Dom’s hips, his arm wrapping around Dom’s chest, holding him tightly against his body as he started thrusting up. Dom pushed back and up, his head thrashing wildly as he keened his pleasure.
Billy moved to settle with his weight back on his heels, keeping his arm tightly around Dom’s chest, pulling Dom up with him.
“Oh God, Billy, so fucking good,” Dom moaned as he reached down and grabbed his aching erection, stroking himself roughly. His head fell back against Billy’s shoulder as he threw his free arm up to clutch the back of Billy’s neck.
Billy’s other arm moved up to reach around Dom’s abdomen, and Dom cried out loudly as Billy started thrusting up as hard and fast as he could manage.
“Billy, ohh, you’re…” Dom moaned as Billy hit his prostate on every thrust. Dom’s fingers slid down to dig brutally into Billy’s shoulder as his head rolled from side to side. He couldn’t seem to decide what to do with his other hand and alternated between stroking himself and reaching back to grab Billy’s hair, ear, neck, whatever he could wrap his fingers around. “Billy! Fuck, fuck, I’m so close, please…”
Billy lifted Dom up almost all the way off of his cock and then let him fall back down on it, thrusting up at the same time. Dom cried out loudly, his back bowing and his head pressing against Billy’s collarbone as he came hard, spurting onto the bed and his own belly as his muscles clenched around Billy’s cock.
Billy thrust three more times into Dom’s pliant body before his own orgasm overtook him. He came with a guttural moan and lowered his head to rest against Dom’s sweaty hair, their harsh, panting breath mingling.
Dom didn’t move or speak after, allowing Billy to support his weight and enjoying the physical closeness he’d never expected to have with this man. He knew it wouldn’t last long.
“How’s the leg?”
“Well fucked, just like the rest of me.”
Billy snorted behind him and Dom allowed a small smile to flit across his face as he turned enough to make eye contact. “It’s true.”
“I know,” came the low, teasing reply as Billy lifted him a bit and gently withdrew.
Dom winced as he laid himself down, rolling to face Billy. “It hurts, but it always hurts.”
Billy leaned over and examined the scars on Dom’s calf, both the bullet and the jagged surgery scars. His brow knitted as his fingers lightly traced several buckshot spray wounds. “Shotgun?”
“A pre-Great War Winchester. Those bastards shot me with one of the weapons from my family’s own gun collection, if you can believe that.”
Billy’s knuckles flew up to his mouth as if to keep laughter from spilling out. “I’m sorry, Dominic, but—“
“No, I get the humour of the situation. I do. I thought my brothers and uncles would die from laughing when we realized. I just wish it was someone else got shot,” Dom replied, chuckling ruefully.
Billy’s fingers brushed over Dom’s calf again. “They tell you you’d always have the limp?”
“Yes,” Dom snorted. “They also told me that I’d be using a cane for the rest of my life. You can see how much I take their words to heart.”
“Not done pushing yet, are you.”
“No, I’m not. I won’t settle, Bill. Not when there’s a chance for better.”
“Such a fighter,” Billy said approvingly.
“That you can bank on,” Dom said purposefully. “We’re a lot alike in that respect.”
“We are,” Billy agreed, a small smile quirking his lips. “I have a feeling that if you could go back into Germany, right into the lion’s den, you would.”
“Absolutely, I would. I’m not afraid to die for what I believe in.”
“Only now you can continue with what you were doing, but without the pressure of trying to hide or keep yourself alive. Best of both worlds, eh?”
“Are you trying to make me feel better about my circumstances, Major Boyd?”
“Transparent, that’s me.”
Dom shook his head, smiling as he pushed Billy over onto his back, rolling himself to cover the other man. “You are one of the least transparent men I have ever met, and I work in Intelligence.”
“I find that many people who work in Intelligence don’t have nearly as much of it as they reckon, Monaghan.”
“From consoling to maligning in under thirty seconds. Impressive, Major.”
Billy laughed, his eyes sparkling with humour and Dom lowered his head to Billy’s shoulder, unable to hold the gaze. He knew this was likely the only time they would be together in this way and he most definitely did not want to spoil it by letting Billy see how much more he wanted. He rubbed his forehead across Billy’s collarbone and gently kissed the scar he encountered there before pushing himself up and running a finger along it.
“That one’s from Tobruk,” Billy said quietly. “That, my thigh and then there’s one on my back.”
“Let me see,” Dom said, lifting himself up enough that Billy could turn under him. Billy obligingly turned over and Dom inhaled sharply at the jagged mark that extended alongside the spine from between Billy’s shoulders to the plane of his hip. “Jesus, Bill.”
“It isn’t as bad as it looks. Just a furrow, no deep tissue penetration.”
“Not that time,” Dom said lowly, tracing the entry point of one of the shots he knew had nearly killed Billy in Germany. It was low on his back and side, and deceptively tiny. Dom’s other hand slid round Billy’s side and brushed over the exit wound, which was almost twice the size. Then he ran a finger along the puckered flesh to the side of Billy’s left shoulder blade. The bullet had entered over the collarbone. “The third?”
“Does it really matter?”
“Yes.”
Billy took Dom’s hand and moved it to his right side, letting Dom’s fingers brush over the entry site. “It went in here, cracked ribs as it ricocheted off the ribcage and lodged in my lung.”
Dom’s fingers stopped moving as he truly considered the life threatening nature of those wounds. Each one of them, alone, could have killed Billy. “How..?”
Billy turned over to lie on his back and face Dom. “How did I survive? You, Hans-Peter and my inability to just be done with it, I expect.”
“No, what I mean is, how are you field-ready? Because I have to say that you are in amazing physical shape for someone who was nearly dead six months ago, Bill.”
Billy gave a lopsided grin. “Pong and Tze Li.”
“Eh?”
“We knew them in Shanghai. Tze was our unit’s Boy and Pong is his sister. They adopted us, made sure we knew how to eat, speak and move about like locals. Made life a hell of a lot easier over there, I’ll tell you. They came over sometime around ‘35 and Maggie took them in up in Glasgow until they got settled into their own place. The Chinese have exercises that produce brilliant results in flexibility and balance while being gentle and slow. As you build up your strength, you can do more complex and powerful moves. Put those workouts together with a combination of herbs, specifically applied heat, needles and pressure massage, and you have an amazing rehab program. Healing from the inside out, I suppose you could say.
“It’s also why Gerry has such an excellent range of motion despite how terrible his injuries were. If it had been left up to the doctors here, he’d be in a wheelchair with one arm and a damaged back. Maybe you should look into your own Chinese therapy, Dominic. It can’t do anything but improve your results.”
Dom looked thoughtful. “I may have to do that.”
A clock somewhere in the house struck the hour and Billy sighed deeply. “I have to go.”
“I know.”
Billy extricated himself from Dom’s limbs and got out of bed. He went into the wash room and took a quick shower before returning to dress.
Dom watched quietly as Billy pulled the layers of clothing back on, hiding the beautiful body, the scars, and the bruises Dom’s fingers had left. He wanted to say something, anything to keep the connection they’d forged, but couldn’t seem to get anything out of his mouth. Finally, when Billy was completely dressed and tying his boots, he got out of bed himself and pulled on his dressing robe.
Billy smiled as he straightened. “You’re going to see me out? How romantic.”
Dom rolled his eyes and felt his awkwardness disappear. They walked out to the sitting room again and Billy glanced at the table, sighing as he saw the abandoned coffee cup still sitting there.
“Poor Bill, having to give up his coffee for an amazing shag. I hope it was worth it for you.”
“I don’t know, mate, that was fresh milk.”
Dom threw his head back and laughed. “Better finish it up to make it worth your while then.”
Billy poured a bit of a warmer into the cup and took another drink, his eyes closing in pleasure. “God that’s good.”
“Don’t suppose we could have a go at this wall before you leave?” Dom asked huskily.
Billy laughed even as his eyes darkened again. “As much as I’d like to take you up against that wall, Dominic, I think that’ll have to be another time.”
“Will there be another time?” Dom winced inwardly as soon as the words left his mouth.
“No promises, but God knows if we make it through this war, anything is possible,” Billy said, his voice light but his eyes serious as he looked at Dom.
“Then I have something to ask of you,” Dom replied, swallowing hard. When Billy only raised an eyebrow, he continued. “Would you let me know you’re still alive every once in awhile? Just so the wall and I can keep our hopes up?”
Billy smiled and reached to shake Dom’s hand. “Don’t know how often or how timely you’ll receive the messages, but I’ll try.”
Dom grabbed Billy’s hand and pulled him into a tight hug. “Please take care, Bill.”
“I’ll do my best,” Billy replied, squeezing Dom even tighter for a moment “You take care of yourself as well, Dominic,” he added, setting Dom an arm’s length away.
Dom’s brows drew in as he tried to come up with something else to say, but there was nothing that wouldn’t give away the true depth of his feelings.
Billy cupped his face, kissing him gently, yet thoroughly, before stepping back. He gave one last light caress of fingers along Dom’s cheeks and jaw and then turned and left the house without another word.
Dom sat down at the table and stared at the coffee cup until his tears blurred it too much.
Dom looked up from the report on his desk when his door opened rather abruptly. “Brigadier McKellen. To what do I owe the honour?”
McKellen simply walked across Dom’s small office and tossed an envelope onto his desk.
Dom picked it up and his heart rate increased when he saw the sender’s name. “Thank you, Ian,” he said quietly, turning the envelope over and over in his hands.
“I’ll leave you to it, then,” McKellen said, turning to leave and shutting the door behind himself.
His hands shook as he tore open the envelope and pulled out the paper inside. He took a deep breath and began to read.
Dominic,
Well, I’m still alive. It’s taken me long enough to write, sorry for that, but it’s been a bit of a close shave a few times out here. At the worst of it, though, I found myself thinking of coffee cups and sitting room walls, and I managed to pull through…
Feedback will be treasured. In fact, to those of you who've left fb along the way, your comments have inspired me and kept me going through some very tough times. Thank you for your encouragement and your investment in these boys. ♥
